Happy Birthday!
by sonoposeidon
Summary: A compilation of birthdays from Santa Barbara.
1. Happy Birthday Shawn!

So, this was supposed to be a Christmas present for sonofPoseidon13, and it was supposed to be for Percy Jackson and the Olympians, but I forgot to do it for Christmas, and I'd rather do a Psych one. So now it's kind of a birthday present. Here you go. It's my first Psych-fic, but not my first fanfic. Hopefully I did okay.

Established Shules, but not necessarily in any particular season. Unless you want it to be. Heh, I'm only the writer. Not the writer of the show, sadly. That'd be cool, huh? Oh, and I don't own it either. Well, except for the three seasons I have on DVD. I own those. But I don't own the rights to the whole show. You know what, let's just start the story already, huh?

Shawn opened the door to the Psych office and took a drink out of his new pineapple-shaped water bottle. Juliet had given it to him for his birthday when he had stopped by the precinct before going on his run. He looked at the note taped to the side and smiled. "If your heart rate drops below 150, YOU DIE!" it read. Ever since that incident with the elliptical, it had become a running joke between the two. Shawn would have continued along this thought process, but he was interrupted by Gus's shout.

"Happy birthday Shawn! I just have one question for you. What are you doing here so early?"

"Come on, Gus. Don't you know that I get here every morning at 9:30?" he asked in reply.

"Um, no you don't. This is the first time you've been into the office before 10:00 in…Let me see. I have it here somewhere." Gus rooted around in his drawers for a minute before pulling out a sheet of paper. "Here it is. You haven't been into the office before 10:00 in exactly three months and13 days."

"Gus," Shawn challenged. "You keep track of when I come into the office? That is so weird."

"No, it's not. It's perfectly normal to keep track of one's business associ-"

"You know what; I can't do this with you right now. I have to go to my dad's house. He told me to come over after I finished my run."

Gus continued undeterred. "And since when do you run? I haven't seen you work out on your own in…" he pulled out another sheet of paper. "Three months and 13 days. It seems the only time you come in early is when you work out."

"Again, creepy. Anyway, I have to go shower and meet my dad. He probably wants me to scale a fish or something."

"He'd make you scale fish on your birthday?"

"Don't you remember, Mr. I Keep Track of Everything Shawn Does? It took me, and I quote my father, 'Four months for you to smile at me. That's when the clock started ticking.' He won't recognize my birthday for four more months."

Gus nodded and Shawn walked out the door.

Once he got to his dad's house, he looked in the yard for the fish cleaning table, but didn't see it. _That's weird_, he thought. Shaking it off, he walked into the house. On the kitchen table was a note. "Don't forget," it read, "you agreed to wash my truck for a week for my helping you with that last case. You start tomorrow."

Shawn groaned at the fact that his dad called him to his house just to see a note. Annoyed, Shawn drove his motorcycle back to the Psych office.

When he got there, Gus asked why it took two hours to take a shower and go to his dad's house. "And you don't even smell like fish, so don't tell me you were doing that."

Shawn sighed. "Gus, don't be the brown, dead needles under a Christmas tree. Don't you know that this," he motioned to his hair, "takes time? Come on, son. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to the station."

"Why? We don't have any cases, and the chief hasn't called. At least, she hasn't called the office."

"You're right, Gus, we don't have any cases. But if I go to the station, I can bug Lassie, talk to Jules, and maybe get a case while I'm doing it! After all, it is a Constitutional right to get cases on your birthday."

"Shawn, you need to read the Constitution some time. That is not in the Constitution, and there is nothing even close to that."

"Dude, I can't read the Constitution. It's like, a thousand words. Maybe more!"

"Shawn," Gus cried, clearly exasperated. "You can't go to the station! They aren't ready for you ye-" Gus checked himself and started again. "What I mean to say is, the chief told me she doesn't want you around today."

Shawn smirked at him. "I know what you're trying to do. You're using reverse physiology."

"It's reverse _psychology_, Shawn."

"I've heard it both ways. Anyway, you're using that. By basically saying that there is a party, you're trying to get me to think there isn't one. But I know your tricks. Now that I know there is, in fact, a part, I'm going to go early and spoil the surprise. And nothing you say will stop me!"

Gus smiled maliciously as Shawn walked out the door. Once he'd heard Shawn's motorcycle speed away, Gus pulled out his phone. "He's on his way to the station now…Yeah, he fell for the reverse reverse psychology…Alright, good. I'll get the cake and be over there in half-an-hour."

Shawn was confused. He'd walked into the Santa Barbara Police Department expecting everybody to be in the middle of preparing a huge surprise party, but they weren't. He looked around the station and saw everyone doing…work! Even McNab was working!

"Oh, hey Shawn! Happy birthday, by the way!"

"Thanks Buzz. Hey, do you know where Jules is?"

"Yeah, today's her day to go get lunch. She just left for the Chinese place down the street." Buzz paused and studied Shawn's face. "Hey are you ok? You don't look very happy…"

Shawn looked up at the kindly man. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I'm just confused." He sighed. "Gus tricked me! He basically told me that there was a surprise party being set up for me here, but I told him I knew his tricks. I figured that he was just trying to make me think that there wasn't a party when there actually was. Now I'm realizing that he must have used reverse _reverse _psychology on me!"

McNab looked sad for Shawn. "Oh, that's too bad," he said. "Sorry about that. Um, I have to get back to work now." And with that he hurried off.

Shawn was now even more confused. Buzz had just run off when Shawn mentioned a surprise party. However, he decided that there was no more time to think about it when he saw Lassiter sitting at his desk. "Lassie! Long time, no see!"

"Spencer, what are you doing here? And it hasn't been a long time, you just saw me a few hours ago when you came in to bug us this morning," he answered irritably.

"Truthfully, I'm here because I got a psychic vibration about a case." Shawn put a finger to his temple.

Lassiter looked at him disgusted, wondering why this man who was so obnoxious always had to come bother him. Where was O'Hara when he needed her to get Spencer off his desk? "First of all, we haven't hired you on any cases; we don't have any open right now. And second, I don't believe in that psychic crap and I don't believe in you." Then he saw what Shawn was sitting on. "And finally, I don't believe in you sitting on my paperwork! Get off of my desk and go home! Shouldn't you be annoying someone else, like Guster, on your birthday?"

Shawn gasped. "You remembered!"

Lassiter rolled his eyes. "I should! You bugged me until I said it this morning! How old are you now? Six?"

Shawn stared at him, aghast at this new affront to his dignity. "Come on Lassie face. I'm turning seven today!"

'Leave!"

Shawn got up, afraid to prod the beast any more. One thing could be said of Shawn. He always knew when his annoying people could get himself hurt. That didn't mean he always heeded that sense, but today he did. He didn't want to die on his birthday. Sighing again in despondency, he sat at Juliet's desk until she walked in with the department's lunch

"Who wanted the kung pao chicken?" she asked. Someone answered her and she continued in this vein until all of the items in her bag were gone. Only then did she notice Shawn with a "Woe is me" expression sitting at her desk. "Hey Shawn, happy birthday."

"Oh, thanks, I guess. Didn't you already tell me that this morning?"

Juliet nodded and said, "Yeah, but isn't it always good to hear it more than once? Now come on. I'm taking you out to lunch and you can't do a thing about it." Shawn tried to tell her that she didn't have to, but she shut him up with a kiss. "I told you, you can't do anything about it." Shawn had nothing more to say until they got in Juliet's car and drove off.

Shawn and Juliet walked into the restaurant. All of a sudden, there was a rather large shout of "Surprise!" Bewildered, Shawn saw all of his friends from the police station, Gus, and his father standing near one of the larger tables. He looked at Juliet.

"I took the long way," she said. "They needed time to get here before you did, and I gave it to them." Shawn looked at his friends and smiled, for once truly surprised by the surprise party that they had thrown for him.

-Well, how'd I do? Not _too_ OOC I hope. You can go ahead and tell me. Oh, and sonofPoseidon13, I am expecting you to review. The rest of you can review or not, depending on how you feel today. I might do another one, I have some ideas. If you want me to, just go ahead and review. (Aha, see what I did there? I told you that you didn't have to review, but then I told you that you should. Oh, the cleverness of me!) By the way, if any of you can tell me what episode the heart rate line is in, you get cyber pineapples. That's a thing now, right?


	2. Happy Birthday Juliet!

-So I've decided to continue this little thingy. It'll be a compilation of birthdays for multiple people. It should be kinda fun.

I had this chapter in mind when I listed Juliet as a character, so that's that. Again, it's established Shules. I like it better that way. It isn't in a particular season, mostly because I don't want to give the characters an age. That's up to the writers of the show, a group I am not included in. Nor do I own the show. 'Cause if I did, I'd be a writer on the show, so I obviously don't own it. Yeah, that's about it. On with the story then, aye?

Shawn woke up early. The clock read 8:30 a.m., so most normal people were already at work. Shawn was not normal. He was doing well if he got up before 10:00 most days. On weekends he didn't even wake up until 12:00. _But today is different_, he thought to himself. _Today is Juliet's birthday. I can make a sacrifice for that, right?_ After hopping out of bed semi-happily, he went into his kitchen to grab his pineapple.

Before he could do so, however, his phone rang. Seeing that it was Gus, he picked it up. "What's up, buddy?"

"Shawn, where is my sewing machine?" Shawn had to hold the phone away from his ear at Gus's yell.

"First of all, why do you have a sewing machine? Secondly, I borrowed it. I needed it for a special project."

Shawn heard Gus sigh on the other end. "Tell me you did not turn my sewing machine into an automatic pineapple cutter. I've told you twice in the past two days that I don't want you doing that. That sewing machine belonged to my father before he gave it to me when I went to college!"

"Now I want to know why your dad had a sewing machine!" Shawn said, bemused. "Is it really necessary? And no, I didn't make it into a pineapple cutter. Though I still need to make one of those. Gus, make a mental note: I need to make an automatic pineapple cutter."

"Shawn, you can't have someone else make a mental note for you. It doesn't work that way."

"Sure you can. I do it all the time. Your bad."

"Shawn, we are not doing this again. You can't-"

Shawn's phone started beeping. "Oh, Jules is calling, gotta go bye!" He switched over to the other line, leaving an irate Gus. "Happy birthday Jules!"

"Thanks Shawn," she answered quickly. "Listen, can you come down to the station? The chief wants to see you."

"Yeah, can you just give me a few minutes? I have to turn Gus's sewing machine into an automatic pineapple cutter."

A confused Juliet answered, "Shawn, I don't think the Chief has time for that. And why does Gus have a sewing machine?"

"Oh, I don't even know," Shawn answered in disgust.

Shawn roared up to the front of the police station on his motorcycle. He ran up the steps and threw the doors open, making everybody look up in surprise. Seeing it was just Shawn, though, they all put their heads down and went back to work. Even Lassiter went back to work instead of reprimanding Shawn like he usually did.

Shawn walked into the Chief Vick's office. He would have stalled, but Juliet wasn't at her desk. Shawn assumed that she must be filing papers, looking in the evidence room for whatever she needed, or interrogating someone. All of these options allowed him to see her after he finished talking to the chief, so he didn't worry about it.

"Chief, you wanted to see me?" he asked when he walked in the door.

"Yes, I did," she replied. "You can go ahead and close the door." After Shawn did so, Vick got to the reason she called him in. "What am I supposed to bring to the party?"

Shawn stared at her for a moment before answering. "You do know it's not a surprise party, right? You could have just asked Juliet…"

"Yes, but I figured since you were the one throwing it, you'd be the best one to ask. After all, you do know O'Hara better than any of the rest of us, so you would know what she wants at her party."

"But she knows what she wants at her party too," said Shawn hesitantly. "Why did you need to ask me?"

Vick nodded, agreeing that she could have just asked O'Hara, but she told Shawn that she also had another question for him. "What should I get her, though? I don't know what she might want? You know, as a gift."

The light of realization finally dawned on Shawn's face. He smiled and gave the chief all the advice she needed. After five minutes, he saw Juliet walk by out of the corner of his eyes.

Excusing himself, he left the chief's office and snuck up behind his girlfriend. Before he could tap her on the shoulders and scare her, though, she spoke up. "I know you're there Shawn. You didn't sneak up on me that well." Seeing his pout, she pointed out to him that she could see his reflection on the blank screen of her computer. "You know, for a psychic, you really aren't that aware of things right in front of your eyes." She smirked when she saw the fake hurt in his eyes.

"Jules, I'm offended! How could you say that? I am so aware of things right in front of my eyes! For instance, I am aware that there is a beautiful detective sitting in front of me who happens to have a birthday today!" She smiled at the compliment and Shawn continued. "I also happen to know that she hasn't had breakfast today and that she wants to go out and get something to eat with a certain psychic."

Juliet smirked again. "You're wrong. I have had breakfast."

Rolling his eyes, Shawn replied. "Jules. Half of a donut hardly qualifies as a full breakfast." Juliet looked surprised that he had known what she had for breakfast. He half-smiled and put a hand to his head, hoping against hope that she wouldn't notice that he had seen the other half of her donut sitting on her desk. "Now," he continued, "I will be taking you out for breakfast, and Lassie won't do anything about it." He pulled her out of her chair and half dragged her along with him.

When they walked by Lassiter's desk, he looked up at the couple. Shawn glared at him and said that if he tried to stop them from going to get a birthday breakfast, Shawn would plant snow globes all over the precinct. Looking fearful, Lassiter let them go without any more fuss.

Juliet insisted that they take her car. Shawn tried to argue, saying that the motorcycle would get them there quicker and that way she could get back to work earlier, but she was having none of it. "Shawn, it's my birthday. We're taking my car. Now, tell me where we're going!"

The two arrived at the diner where they had first met fifteen minutes later. Ever the gentleman, but only where Juliet was concerned, he jumped out and opened her door. She smiled and let him do it. It made her incredibly happy when he put to work what his mother had taught him. In truth, it made him happy to do it.

Shawn and Juliet had a nice breakfast, complete with pineapple, orange juice, and crawly worms. But eventually Juliet couldn't deny anymore that she had a job to get back to. They drove back to the station, and when he got on his motorcycle to drive away, she promised that she would be at his apartment at 6:30 so that they could go to her party. Shawn drove to the Psych office, extremely content with his lot in life.

True to her word, Juliet showed up at Shawn's apartment at 6:30 on the dot. Shawn opened the door to see what he imagined to be an angel. In truth, Juliet was dressed very casually, in jeans and whatever angels wore with jeans. But Shawn knew that his girlfriend got more beautiful with every passing moment. Before she could react, he had scooped her into a hug and kissed her. She didn't complain though, and it took a few moments for Shawn to release her. When he did, he laughed nervously. "Sorry," he said. "I just couldn't help myself." They laughed together and he grabbed a bag from beside his door, and the two walked out to Juliet's car hand in hand.

They arrived at the bowling alley only a few minutes early. Shawn stepped up to the counter and ordered two games of bowling for everybody, plus some shoes for Juliet and enough pizzas to feed a small army.

They got to their assigned lanes before Juliet asked Shawn why he didn't get shoes for himself. He said nothing, but pulled a pair of shoes out of the bag he had brought. Juliet looked at them closely and saw that they were covered with Legos. (A/n-By the way, I don't own those either.) "But I thought you were lying! You told me that you didn't know how to bowl last week! How could Lego sponsor you if you can't bowl?"

"I made them. I thought they'd be pretty fun to try to play in, so I bought some cheap bowling shoes and glued the Legos to them," he answered. "I'd have made you some, but I ran out of Legos and the store didn't have any more! Can you believe that? Door-Mart ran out of Legos!"

"Shawn, it's Wal-Mart."

Shawn frowned before replying, "I've heard it both ways." Juliet rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless.

Soon enough the rest of their friends arrived. Everybody wished Juliet a happy birthday, and then they all started to bowl. Whenever Shawn's turn came, he would do something silly, like put his back to the pins and throw the ball. Surprisingly, at the end of the first game Shawn was second only to Juliet.

Juliet, while not silly while she bowled, was equally silly when she was not bowling. She made jokes, playfully tried to mess other people up, and gave Gus a hard time for having a sewing machine.

Eventually, the groups all finished bowling and got ready for Jules to open her presents. Buzz McNab and his wife gave her a new scarf, though it wasn't very warm. It hardly mattered though, considering it rarely got cold enough in Santa Barbara to need a warm scarf. It was a good style, so she liked it. Lassiter gave her a new pair of handcuffs. The chief gave her (at Shawn's suggestion) an extra two days of paid vacation. Many more presents followed from all of her friends. Finally, Shawn's present came up. She opened it to find new pajamas. A note was attached that read, "_I may not sew my own, but I managed to make these for you."_ She smiled happily at Shawn.

The time came, after the pizza had been eaten and the cake had been devoured, that everybody had to go home. Once the rest of the guests left, Juliet fell onto a chair. "Wow," she exclaimed. "Bowling is more tiring than I thought it would be. I just want to go home, put on my new pajamas, and sleep."

"I think it's the excitement," Shawn explained. "You did just have pretty much the coolest birthday party ever."

"Thanks to you, of course."

"Happy birthday, Juliet," he said with a smile.

-Ready for a breakdown of this little story? Even though the first story, about Shawn's birthday, came easier for me, I personally thought this one was good. Very tacky to say you liked your own story, but hey. I do have some more ideas, not all of them birthdays. Except, I don't know if I should write them. What if they fell on deaf ears (or blind eyes, as the case may be)?

Now, you don't have to review. But take a minute and look at the paragraph above: More specifically, the first letter of each sentence. Take each first letter out, what do they spell together? You can figure it out. Subliminal messages FTW! Oh, the cleverness of me!

Anyone who can tell me which episode the sewing your own pajamas and Lego bowling shoes comes from gets cyber pineapples! Oh, and the "your bad" line too. If you get both, you get an extra cyber pineapple! That's three for the price of two!


	3. Happy Birthday Lassie!

And we continue this little endeavor with another birthday for someone on the Santa Barbara Police Force. This time, it's Carlton Lassiter. Now won't this be fun? Again, it's established Shules. I do that a lot, now don't I? No particular season, but, well, I'll tell you at the end of this chapter. Now, onwards and upwards, specifically into the chapter. Oh, and I don't own Psych. Would I really be writing this if I did? No. I'd be writing the next episode.

* * *

><p>"About face," Carlton Lassiter yelled at his troops. "Attention!"<p>

Shawn lost track of what Lassie was saying when Juliet walked up to him and asked "Hey, what's going on here? Why is Lassiter dressed in those clothes?"

Gus replied before Shawn could. "He's doing another reenactment. It's the First Battle of Bull Run this time."

"Well, I get that, but why's he doing it on his birthday?" she asked in return.

This time Shawn got an answer out before Gus. "Oh, you know him. He enjoys this kind of thing. If he had his way, I'm sure that this is what he would do for every holiday. He invited us to join, by the way. You interested? You need a hoop skirt though."

Juliet smiled at him. "I rent one, so that shouldn't be a problem. You wanna do it?"

Shawn looked at Gus before replying, "Nah, I'm content to just watch him as he attempts to scold the troops." Shawn raised his voice so that Lassie could hear him. "You're doing great, buddy. Instilling fear in the troops. I'm quaking from over here."

Lassiter rolled his eyes and continued his lecture about needing to hit your mark before shooting your gun, but it didn't seem as if anyone was really listening. They all had heard this one before, but Lassie seemed to like giving it anyway.

Shawn, Juliet and Gus all got up off of the ground where they were sitting. When Shawn started walking to Juliet's car instead of Gus's, Gus inquired as to why.

"Gus, don't be one of those lava lamps that has the sparkles instead of the blobs. I'm going to lunch with Juliet."

Gus nodded and drove off, intent on finishing his route before Shawn could make him stop for some case, or even some less important reason, like investigating the "mysterious disappearances of the pineapples at the grocery stores in Santa Barbara." That had been the most recent of Shawn's pointless investigations. It had turned out that Shawn had bought most of them and the stores hadn't restocked yet, but Gus was sure that Shawn could find some other equally unimportant "case."

Shawn smiled at Juliet as Gus drove off. "So," he asked her, "You interested in going to lunch?"

Juliet rolled her eyes, laughing at the fact that Shawn would say he was going to lunch when he hadn't even asked her yet. "Sure, Shawn. Chinese?"

Shawn hemmed and hawed for a few moments before replying. "I was thinking more along the lines of Italian. We haven't had that for a long time."

Juliet nodded and the two got in her little green bug. They drove off, but not before seeing Lassiter still lecturing his "troops" about how significant the First Battle of Bull Run was.

* * *

><p>The Italian restaurant on 4th and Mariposa was crowded today. The weather was nice, so everybody wanted to walk around, and this restaurant, which had an outdoor seating area, was near the largest park. Still, Juliet and Shawn got in easily. Shawn had solved a little case for the owner, so he always had a table ready for them.<p>

Shawn and Juliet talked about little things, like the significance of key chains to the U.S. economy, until the food came. Then talk turned to more serious matters, mainly Lassiter's birthday party. They couldn't understand why he had chosen this year to let someone throw a party for him, but they didn't really care.

"No, Shawn, you can't get him a snow globe. First of all, those are for Christmas time, and secondly, he hates them. You can't give him something he hates on his birthday."

Shawn pouted, but nothing he did would sway Juliet on this matter, not even promising her a new pair of roller skates. "Fine," he said. "I'll get him something else. Ooh! How about I get him a new fake mustache! His old one accidentally got dropped in the toilet on accident. But it was an accident!"

"Shawn, did you drop Carlton's mustache in the toilet?" When he hung his head in _almost _shame, she laughed and told him that that was a good idea.

The couple finished their lunch and went over to the park, intent on playing on the swings. But when they got there, all the swings were being used and Shawn didn't feel like waiting around, so instead they walked to the nearest shop. It was a tourist spot, but that didn't matter to them. Juliet eventually found something to give the head detective for his birthday. It was a Santa Barbara themed "Bear with me" bear. Intended to be kept out on a desk when someone was feeling badly and didn't want to be bothered, Juliet knew that Lassiter would have it on his desk an awful lot.

It was Juliet's day off, so getting back to work would not be an issue. Shawn and Juliet wandered around the city enjoying each other's company. Every time they saw a labradoodle, Shawn texted Gus. Juliet laughed each time.

After more than an hour of walking, the two decided that it was time to do something else. They went back to the restaurant to get Juliet's car and drove back to the Psych office. Juliet had intended to wrap Lassiter's bear, and was going to make Shawn wrap the mustache they had found, but she couldn't find it anywhere.

"Where's the bear, Shawn?" she asked with animosity.

"Jules, I'm surprised at you. You never lose things. And I'm also surprised that you would think that _I_ know where it is? Why do you assume this about me?"

Juliet laughed and walked closer to him. "Where's the bear, Shawn?" Shawn again denied any knowledge of it. This continued until they were again Very Close Talking. This time, Shawn did not have it in him to deny her any longer, kissed her, and pulled the bear out from behind his back.

"Shawn, did you just steal the bear so that you could kiss me?" she asked with a slight smile.

"Well, maybe, but do you really mind that much?" She blushed and said that she didn't, but then hit him lightly on the arm.

* * *

><p>Gus finished his rounds and walked in the office to see a pineapple and wrapping paper mess, with Shawn and Jules sitting on the floor in the middle of it. Shawn had cut up a pineapple to eat while wrapping Lassiter's presents, but it seemed that the pineapple had gotten more attention than the paper. It was strewn all over the room, with hardly any of it actually on the presents. Juliet was laughing at Shawn's paltry attempt to wrap a fake mustache while eating pineapple. Gus rolled his eyes (he seemed to be doing a lot of that these days) and sat down at his desk.<p>

"Gus, my chocolate headed goodness, what'd you get Lassie for his birthday?" asked Shawn with a laugh.

"I haven't gotten him anything yet, but when I do, it'll be awesome," Gus replied with a smug grin. Shawn laughed, nodded, and went back to his attempt to wrap a fake mustache. He whispered something to Jules and she laughed before going back to wrapping the bear. The two would periodically look up at Gus, then at each other, laugh, and continue wrapping.

After a few minutes of this, Gus decided that he'd had enough. "What is wrong with you two? Why do you keep laughing at me?"

Shawn looked at Juliet and they both burst out laughing. When Shawn had finally calmed down, he explained it to Gus. "Dude, the last time you said you were gonna get somebody something awesome, you ended up getting them a keychain with a dolphin on it. In fact, I think I still have that keychain."

"Shawn that was one time! You know that I was pressed for time that year!"

Shawn just laughed and attempted to wrap the mustache. Seeing that it wasn't working, he complained to Jules about the impossibility of wrapping presents. She just rolled her eyes and gave him a gift bag to put it in. He smiled at her and leaned over to thank her. She didn't let him, but kissed him instead.

* * *

><p>The gifts eventually got wrapped, just in time for Shawn and Juliet to go to Lassiter's house for the party. When they got there, Lassiter opened his door with a smile. "Hi you guys! I'm so glad you could be here! Come on in!"<p>

Shawn stared at him. "Lassie? What's wrong? You're never happy to see me."

"What are you talking about?" This time, Shawn and Juliet caught a whiff of alcohol on his breath.

"Uh, never mind. Happy birthday!" Shawn said with a grin. Then to Juliet he whispered "Must be a coping method with having all these people in his house. I don't think he's used to it."

Juliet frowned at him. "Don't be mean, Shawn."

Shawn looked appropriately chastened. "I'm sorry," he whispered back.

The party continued. Lassiter greeted his coworkers with unnatural cheer; people wished him a happy birthday; Shawn made jokes, and it was a general success. Eventually, somebody brought the cake out. It was in the shape of a large police badge. The candles on the edges whistled when they were lit. Everybody sang happy birthday to Lassiter.

The party eventually wound down. The people left and Lassiter stopped getting drinks. Finally, only Shawn and Juliet were left. They stayed just long enough to see Lassiter pass out on the couch. Shawn and Juliet chuckled, then said together, "Happy birthday, Lassiter."

* * *

><p>-Well, how was it? I don't know, really I don't. You gotta tell me how I'm doing. I could be way off on the characters. Eh, well, such is life.<p>

The Italian restaurant on 4th and Mariposa was made up, by the way.

Now, I told you in the author's note at the top that this wasn't set in any particular season, right? But if any of you have noticed, I've been putting references to past episodes in the story. These stories are not jumping around, they're roughly (and I say roughly) in order. The first chapter happened first, etc. So, if you look at the references, you might be able to figure out where these stories are. The time line isn't important, but it does make it kind of interesting. Oh, the cleverness of me!

Alright, so speaking of references to past episodes, I had a few in here. If you can tell me which episode the hoop skirt reference is from, you get a cyber pineapple. Tell me which episode the bear line is from, you get another. And if you find and tell me the hidden reference to an episode in season 1, you get two more! I will tell you, however, that the final reference is heavily veiled. You might not even know that that reference was in there at all. Don't worry, I'll tell you next time.


	4. Happy Birthday G-!

Ha-hey! I'm back! Maybe… That depends on if I have the time, energy, and willpower to do any more of this… Because the reason I've been gone so long is pure laziness… Along with time restraints of course.

Oh, I suppose I should insert the usual disclaimer. I don't own, blah blah blah, you get the point.

Yeah, so, do any of you remember how I said there was a rough timeline to these stories? No? Well I said that, but I may have to recant because I don't exactly know when everybody's birthday is…

Ah! References from last time are as follows: Hoopskirt is "Weekend Warriors"; The bear line is "Dead Bear Walking"; and the super secret extra special hidden reference (that is, Lassiter being sloppy drunk) is "From the Earth to the Starbucks".

Hmm… I can't think of anything else at the moment… Soo… Story time!

* * *

><p>"No!"<p>

"Gus, don't be the nozzle on a spray bottle. Just do this one thing and I promise I won't even ask anything of you for at least one hundred seconds."

"You don't know how long that actually is, do you?"

"What, you think I have time to memorize all those numbers? And work cases as well? I'm not a superhero, Gus. I may be able to do things that a superhero can't, such as solve crimes and be an inventor of snack transportation at the same time, but that's it. Now come on, it'll be fun!"

Gus sighed. "Fine. This one time I will go on a blind date that you set up for me. But just know this: if it goes badly, I will slap you, Shawn."

"That's fair. Just remember, be at Alberto's at six-thirty. You go this buddy! I believe in you! Good luck!" These last words were shouted as Shawn left the office.

* * *

><p>Exactly 2.5394 hours earlier.<p>

"Well Jules, get ready for a treat! First we're gonna go to some place that serves lunch. Then we're gonna order some lunch. Then we're gonna…wait for iiiit…eat that lunch!"

Juliet laughed. "So that was your big surprise? Telling me we're going to eat lunch? Wow, I never could have guessed that one."

A smug Shawn cracked a grin. "Well good," he replied. "So where are we going?" Juliet laughed again. Of course Shawn had not planned ahead.

"How about that new place over on Proboscis? I heard that it's supposed to be pretty good. And yes," she said, noticing his questioning look, "they do have kid's menus."

Shawn looked hurt. "Jules! I don't need a kid's menu anymore! I can eat grown up food now!" Her laughter echoed around the station's parking lot as they walked to her car.

Juliet pulled up in front of the building. As was usual with restaurants close to the beach during summer, no outside table was unoccupied. "I guess we're eating inside," she sighed. She quickly cheered up when she saw the sign advertising their specials. Her favorite fish food was on there, right above Shawn's. "I'm already impressed!"

The hostess led them to their table within minutes of their requesting it. One upside to eating inside was that the bulk of customers would rather wait for an exterior table than eat inside, so there were plenty open. A waiter appeared at their table soon.

"Hello, I'm John and I will be your server for long enough to get you your drinks." The young man grinned at them. "We have a policy of customer satisfaction, and your waitress is serving another table right now, so I'll put in your drink order and get those as quickly as possible." He did and was back within two minutes of leaving. "Your server will be with you in just a moment," he said before leaving.

Shawn and Juliet enjoyed a few minutes of quiet chatting while they perused the menu. Even though they both knew what they wanted, it was a pastime of theirs to check them for grammatical errors. Fortunately for the fledgling restaurant, they found none.

Soon enough, Juliet mentioned to Shawn that the waitress was making her way toward the table. He was occupied with texting Gus, so he didn't know his predicament until it was too late. The waitress stood at the table and began to introduce herself. "Good afternoon, my name is Gina and I will be taking care of you tod-" Shawn had looked up in dread at the sound of her voice and she had seen that it was him.

"Oh, no." The sound of Shawn's dread was heard by Juliet, but not by Gina, for she had already continued speaking.

"Oh, Shawn, you came here just to visit me on my birthday? How sweet of you!" Shawn shook his head, but to no avail. "And just to think, I was starting to worry that you weren't even going to say anything to me today!"

Juliet here chose to interrupt. "Excuse me," she said, "but who are you?"

Gina glared at the blond. "I'm Gina, and Shawn and I are destined to be together. Who are you?" The pure hatred and accusation in Gina's voice clued Juliet in to two facts: One, this woman was crazy; and two, Gina had a good idea of who Juliet was to Shawn and was not happy about it.

Juliet, never one to be daunted by crazy women who thought that Shawn should be their's, cleared her throat and introduced herself. "My name is Detective Juliet O'Hara. I'm Shawn's girlfriend."

Gina's following glare would have made even Lassiter tremble, but Juliet stood her ground. Then the light of realization crossed Gina's face and her gaze again softened. "Oh, I get it Shawn! You brought her here to try and make me jealous! But it wasn't needed. I already love you!"

Shawn blanched. Ever watchful, he saw Juliet's eyes harden as she stared at the harlot in front of her. Shawn thought quickly in an attempt to diffuse the situation before it blew up this brand new establishment.

"Gina, you're right…sort of. I did come by to wish you a happy birthday!" Juliet's stare turned to one of befuddlement. He discretely shook his head to reassure her. Then he continued. "I just…I can't be with you. My job puts too many people close to me in danger and I didn't want you to get hurt." Shawn still did not know where he was going with this, but he slogged on through the mire of this problem. "I had to try and get over you. And Juliet here helped me with that. She has the same job, so it's ok."

Shawn noticed his sentences degrading as he tried to improve on the lie. He took a deep breath and began to form the closing. "But," he said triumphantly as an idea struck, "I figured something out for you! There's this guy I know. He doesn't have a girl in his life right now, and he desperately needs one. His name is Gus. He's a lot like me, if not more awesome, and he would love you!"

Shawn perceived Juliet's warning glare and another idea struck like the lightning on Ben Franklin's kite. He gasped and put his right hand to his temple. "Oh, I'm getting a message! It says…it's saying that if you agree to go on one date, just one date with Gus, then you will meet a man, sometime soon, who will be better than you ever dreamed a guy could be!"

Gina jumped in surprise. "It's really saying that?" Shawn nodded in affirmation and she gasped again. "Wow, I guess I will try to go on a date with this guy. I'm still sad to see that we can't be together though, Shawn…" After a few more minutes of complaining and setting a time for the date, Gina took Shawn's and Juliet's orders and left.

"Shawn, did you really get a message like that?" asked Juliet.

"Not in the slightest. But I've found that sometimes if you tell somebody what they want to hear, they'll find a way to make that happen. She seems to have moved on from me, and that will give her the opportunity to realize a guy that fulfills all her expectations. If she had never moved on, she would have been blind to the Flash Gordon type guy she may have known her entire life."

Juliet sipped her drink as she pondered this. "You do know that you put Gus into a position where he may have to deal with her thinking he is that perfect guy, right?"

"I thought of that, but then I saw that." He pointed out the window. Juliet followed his direction to see Gina obviously flirting with a guy sitting outside. Amazingly, he seemed to be flirting right back. "I made a point of putting in my 'vision' the phrase 'if you agree'. That would give her the opportunity of meeting a guy at any time, not just after she goes out with Gus."

Juliet nodded, still seeming uneasy, but then John came by with their food. He explained that Gina had traded tables with him so that she could wait on the guy she had been flirting with. The rest of Juliet's lunch hour passed without a hitch. After eating, they drove back to the station. There, Shawn picked up his motorcycle and went back to the Psych office to wait for Gus to finish his route so that he could deliver the joyous news.

* * *

><p>6:28 p.m., Alberto's Fine Italian Pizzeria.<p>

"Shawn, who am I looking for? How will I know who this blind date is? And how will she know who I am?"

Shawn answered on the other end of the phone call. "Don't worry, Gina knows who you are."

"WHAT?! You set me up on a blind date with Crazy Gina?! Shawn, when I see you next I will slap you so hard that you-"

"Ooh, sorry buddy, gotta go. The peanut man is out front!"

Gus groaned as the line went dead in his ear. He turned around to walk into the restaurant when something through the window caught his eye. It was Gina, sitting at a table making moony eyes at the guy across from her. Though Gus didn't know it, it was the same guy she had been flirting with during her shift. And though nobody knew it at the time, Gina and that random guy went on to get married and have 5 kids, each as crazy as their mother.

Gus breathed a sigh of utter relief as he turned toward his car.

* * *

><p>Juliet's phone rang on her nightstand. Though she was still half asleep, she recognized it as Shawn's ring tone and answered. "Hey, Shawn, what's up? What time is it?"<p>

"It's one-thirty. I'm sorry I woke you up, it's just, I was thinking."

The odd nervousness in Shawn's voice helped Juliet wake up completely. "Shawn, what's wrong?"

Shawn sighed as he tried to form words. "I was thinking about how upset you were that I was able to lie so easily to Gina."

"It's ok Shawn. I understand."

"Actually, it isn't ok. You were bothered, and rightly so. I shouldn't be able to lie that easily and use my…gift…as an excuse." The urgency in Shawn's voice told Juliet that it would be better for her to be quiet as he tried to puzzle out his thoughts. After a few more moments, he continued. "You have to understand, I only did it because I didn't have another choice. I didn't want to go to jail and it seemed like nothing else I could have said would have helped me. Believe me, in those seconds I ran through every scenario possible. It seemed like I had no other choice."

"Shawn, you aren't making any sense."

"I know. I know I'm not, so I'll just say it." He took a deep breath and hesitated again.

"Shawn, you know I love you. Nothing you say now will change that."

Shawn suspected that his next statement might, but he went on anyway. "I know. I love you too. That's why I have to tell you. I'm not psychic."

* * *

><p>-Boom! Bet you never thought it was gonna end like that! Obviously, there's gonna be a continuation, and soon. See, I don't like when a work ends on a hook, especially a dramatic hook like that. I mean, literature-wise, it's genius. Absolute genius and fun to write, but annoying when you have to experience it. But see, conflict is what drives plot. Without conflict you can't really have much of a plot, so I see why it is used.<p>

Neglecting that, I write using stream of consciousness. So if one of my chapters seems choppy to you, tell me. I don't edit, so I don't really check for choppiness. As a result of my stream of consciousness, when I started writing this I didn't know how it was gonna end either. I didn't know until I got to that point. That's just where the characters wanted to go.

As for references in this chapter, there is but one. If you can tell me where the snack transportation invention comes from, I will give you an imaginary high five. Oh, and as far as reviewing goes, I'm not gonna force you, but if you don't, you may never find out what happens next…

(See that? I used that most potent literary device known as "the Hook." Oh, the cleverness of me!)

A/n to go after the A/n - If any of you can tell me where my tagline, "Oh, the cleverness of me", comes from, I will give you a cyber banapple. That is, a banana-pineapple.

Oh, and I know not many people browse the Psych area when it's out of season, but I've been watching it more than a little bit recently. I got the fourth season on dvd for Christmas and inspiration struck. I had to write.


	5. Happy Birthday Muffin!

-Big news everybody! I am now the proud owner of all 6 seasons of Psych! My parents and my friend bought me seasons 4 and 6 and my Christmas bonus bought me season 5! Anyhoo…

I left you guys at a really bad place didn't I? Does anybody want to find out what happens next? This chapter may not seem as light-hearted as chapters 1, 2, 3, and most of 4, but I'll get back to that, don't worry. I'm not too mean. As stated before, conflict is annoying. But it drives plot, so we must endure!

This is Mitten's birthday. Mittens is Juliet's cat. She has had Mittens since season 1. (I'm arbitrarily naming one of her cats Mittens. If she had a cat named Mittens and it died, don't judge me. I don't do THAT much research.) Now, on with the story!

* * *

><p>12:00 a.m.<p>

"I have to do it, Gus."

"Do what?"

"Tell her."

A sigh. "You realize-"

"You won't take the fall. I promise."

"Uh-uh. You go to jail, I'm there with you. You know that."

"That means a lot. Thanks."

"Good luck."

"I'll need it."

12:30 a.m.

Labored breathing. Sweat dripping from the brow. Nerve-wracking tension.

12:45 a.m.

Scrolling through pictures. So many pictures. A happy couple. So many moments, because that's what matters.

1:00 a.m.

Steeling the nerves. Strength needed.

1:25 a.m.

Final moments. Dialing. Deep breath. Ringing.

1:38 a.m.

Dead silence followed by a click and a dial tone. A shuddering sigh. A long silence. A solitary sob. The silence of sleep.

* * *

><p>10:37 a.m.<p>

Juliet saw Gus pull up outside the police station. Shawn wasn't with him. She saw Gus hesitate and sigh. He rubbed his eyes, picked something off of the seat beside him. He put it in his jacket pocket and got out.

Juliet's eyes returned to the computer screen in front of her. She hadn't typed a single letter since she had logged on to her workstation. She sighed and rubbed her eyes. They were no longer red, but it was a close thing. Lying in bed awake, sobbing, until 3:30 made it close.

She heard the door to the police station open. She knew it was Gus. _I can't face him._ She hurried to the bathroom before Gus could spot her. She knew her effort was futile. She had seen the look of resignation on his face as he'd gotten out of the car. She'd know that look on anybody. It was the look of complete defeat. It was the face that said someone was going to do exactly what they believed they had to do and no less. Gus would not leave until Juliet faced him.

Aware that she now bore that same look, Juliet approached the mirror. She studied her face, wiping it clean of any sign betraying her inner turmoil. The tempest in her mind quieted as she breathed slowly. She walked out the door and back to her desk.

Gus did not look up from the ground until she sat down. Once she did, he simply held up a small package. For not even a second did it hold her gaze. One glance was all it took for her to know exactly who it was from. She stared at her desk and swallowed once. Twice. She looked up and Gus was gone. Sitting in his place was that small rectangular package that undoubtedly was from Shawn.

Juliet steeled herself. With new resolve in her eyes, she slipped the package into her pocket as she stood up. She walked over to Lassiter where he sat at his desk. The desk across from him was empty, as it had been since Henry had been sent to the ICU. _Three weeks it's been. Was that one of the reasons he… _But no. She couldn't think about that just yet.

"What is it O'Hara?"

"I'm leaving. I don't feel well."

Carlton nodded. He was not about to question his partner, not after seeing the look on her face when she'd walked in the door this morning.

Juliet turned and walked out. She didn't even register the fact that everyone cleared a space for her without a word from her. She slowly dropped into her car, exhaustion clear in her every move. She drove away from the police station towards a place where she knew she could clear her head.

* * *

><p>11:20 a.m.<p>

She sat on a bench overlooking the beach. It was a good 20 minutes drive from the station and at least 30 minutes from the Psych office. She'd gone here many a time to clear her head after a particularly difficult case, but this was not a case. She finally allowed herself to do the one thing she hadn't let herself do since she'd woken up with two hours of sleep. She thought about Shawn and what he'd told her.

He wasn't psychic. He'd lied to the cops for years, but that was inconsequential. No, he'd lied to _her_ for years. That was unforgivable. He'd admitted to loving her while hooked up to a polygraph machine. But he had also said he was psychic. That wasn't true, so was anything else that he'd said true? She knew, in the recesses of her mind, that Shawn could not have been lying when he said he loved her that first time. He was speaking too quickly to have calmed himself down enough to beat a lie detector. He'd needed copious amounts of time to prepare himself enough to say that he was psychic. She knew this, but there was no way she was going to admit it to herself.

She loved Shawn. Even after finding out his lie, she loved him. But she hated him. _That doesn't make any sense. How can I love _and_ hate him?_ The world didn't make sense though. Nothing did. How could he have loved her, but not told her?

A box dug into her side when she shifted and she remembered the package in her jacket pocket. She slowly pulled it out, dreading its contents. Even through her haze, she was able to register that the package was wrapped in birthday wrapping paper. It didn't make any sense, but then again, neither did Shawn.

She slowly opened the box. Inside was a small note sitting atop a mass of tissue paper which obviously concealed something. The note read simply, "Happy Birthday Mittens." Juliet gasped sharply. Today was her cat's birthday, but she had never told Shawn. She'd made a point of never telling Shawn just to see how long it would take him to figure it out. She'd never told anybody, considering she'd gotten the cat in Santa Barbara and just hadn't told her family. _How could he have known?_ She'd wanted him to figure it out because it meant something to her. She wanted him to know a small detail of her life that really wasn't that important. She wanted him to care about something she cared about, even if she didn't have a reason for it.

She opened the tissue paper to find Mitten's favorite toy. Shawn had played with it with Mittens at her house many times before it had simply worn out. And now he'd gotten another one to replace it, proving that he cared about the small details of her life.

A letter had been concealed underneath the tissue paper. "Juliet" in flowing calligraphy decorated the outside of the envelope. It was obviously Shawn's hand. While the calligraphy itself was on the caliber of an illuminated manuscript, Juliet would have known the looping "J" anywhere. Nobody else ever formed it the same way as Shawn.

"My dearest Juliet,

I know that I have given you no reason not to throw this package away the moment that Gus gives it to you. You have every right to do so. I just needed to give it to you. To show you how much I care about you. How much I love you. You wanted me to know about your cat's birthday years ago. And now, now that you know I'm not psychic, you want to know how I knew."

How did Shawn, even in a letter, know exactly what she wanted? She continued reading.

"When I was young, my father decided to train me to be a policeman. And why not? My eidetic memory ensured that I would remember everything I saw. Why shouldn't he train me to notice things to remember? And then to use detective skills to put them to use? Why not? Or so his logic went."

Juliet continued reading and found that Henry's training had made Shawn bitter. Shawn felt that nothing he did could ever impress or please his father. And so he rebelled. And his relationship with his dad crumbled. In his adulthood, he made a living doing odd jobs. This much Juliet already knew. But what she didn't know was that he also called in tips for the police department. He watched the news and noticed details; details like a man lying about the theft of goods from his A/V store. It was this tip that perked ears. The cops demanded to know where he got his information.

"They said it was so good that it could only have come from the inside. That wasn't so absurd, my information was good. But that's because my dad trained me to be even better than that.

"I ran through every option in my head in the matter of a split second. I saw every single possible lie, (or so I thought), and every single truth. Nobody would believe the truth and every lie ended with me in jail. And then I noticed that one of the cops arresting me was superstitious. I said I was psychic. That scared her long enough that I was able to piece together information about everybody in the vicinity. Buzz had been practicing his waltz: he was going to get married soon. The lady (I forget her name) had been talking to her friend on the phone about her dead grandmother: I said something about her name, something I couldn't have known. Lassiter had been playing with his old partner's hair: they were sleeping together.

"I expected that to be the end of it. They were letting me go. But then Chief Vick asked for some help on a case. I couldn't say no or she'd know I was lying. She told me she would prosecute if I was lying. I continued the deception throughout the case. It was fun. I got to do something I'd dreamed of: I got to be a detective, but not through my father's restrictions. I continued doing it and started Psych.

"And then I met you at that diner. Everything I said in that 'eighth-grade-Jules-voice?' I figured it all out from catching a glimpse of what was in your purse and the cat hairs on your clothes. And I saw something else in your purse. I saw your appointment book. You'd written the day you'd gotten Mittens and her birthday. It had just been that week. In fact, it had been the previous day.

"I didn't tell you I wasn't psychic because I had no reason to. It allowed me to hit on women without seeming quite so creepy. But you were different than all of them. You had a comeback for every quip; a reply to every joke. You were different.

"We got to know each other. I didn't tell you at first because we didn't know each other _that_ well and, well, you were still a cop. And when I got to know you better, I couldn't tell you because you would have been furious at me for lying. The longer I went without telling you, the more furious you would be at me for not. It was a vicious circle.

"I fell in love with you. I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want to risk losing you. I eventually realized that you valued honesty so much that I had to tell you. And then Eyelashes beat me to the punch. He'd only been lying to you for a few days and you were incensed. But you forgave him because it had only been a few days and he'd been brave enough to tell you. But did you know I was the one who told him he should? That's not important and I don't want to make excuses for my behavior.

"Along with detective skills, my father taught me how to beat a lie detector. You've probably figured that out by now. He told me it required extreme concentration. You had to believe the lie. You had to control your breathing. It works. It's possible to beat a polygraph.

"But when Lassie hooked me up to that machine, I lost it. I couldn't believe that he disliked me so much that he would do that in return for me dating you. He was just gonna have to get over the fact that I loved you. I surprised myself that day, probably more than I surprised you. I hadn't even admitted to myself that my feelings were actually love. But all of a sudden, I knew it was true. Heck, the machine said as much. I didn't have the time to relax and breathe when I didn't even know I was going to say it.

"And then Lassie asked if I was psychic. The only times I've been more scared are when you, Gus, or my dad have been in danger. My life's course hung on my answer. Was I to say yes? That would surely strengthen your trust in me, but at the cost of having that trust severely weakened, probably even broken in the future. Or was I to say no, possibly go to jail, and have you hate me? I wasn't ready for that. We hadn't been dating that long and I didn't want to give that up. I loved you too much and had been waiting so long. But that's no excuse.

"And now my father is in the hospital. The other day he spoke three words to me. The nurses assure me that he hadn't spoken before and he hasn't since. He said, 'She trusts you.' He trusted his friend and it… That isn't important. You trusted me and I was lying to you. I couldn't put you through that any more. You saw what I did at the restaurant and started to doubt me. You had justification. So I told you. Because I can't lie to you. I love you too much. I can't ask you to forgive me. I don't deserve it. I just hope that you may understand why I lied. I lied because I was selfish, and I don't want to be selfish any more. You are more important to me than my life, so it actually is impossible to put myself before you.

"I'm sorry for putting you through this. I love you and I always will.

"Forever yours,

Shawn."

Tears streaked down from face onto the letter.

* * *

><p>-It's a bit longer than usual. A whole lot sadder, too. Sorry about that. Anyhow, I should have all this wrapped up by next time. Hopefully. Maybe. That depends on how lengthy the chapter decides it wants to be.<p>

Also, I need some feedback on that letter. Actually, I'd like feedback on the whole chapter. It' didn't come as easily to me as others have. That's what happens when I force myself to write something out of my comfort zone. So anyway, feedback, please. Unless you don't want to. I can't force you.

References here should be pretty easy to guess. They are as follows: eyelashes; moments are what matters.

For sonofApollon. You'd better review. This is your birthday present.

That's all for now. Oh, the cleverness of me!


End file.
